What is a right decision ? The one overwhelmed by emotions or the one one calculated logically ? Here’s a story
I was thought as a brilliant kid during school and that’s why I was always encouraged to be an engineer or doctor. I was told that this is the way to be spectacular and that should be purpose of my life. Only a life like this, is a meaningful one. I was eager and happy to follow because I was getting respect and was being accepted. I was kind of a favorite child and ideal student. Then a time came when I had to make a choice between doctor and engineer. The dilemma after pondering then resolved itself to a choice between two subjects, biology and mathematics. I was good at math but was interested in biology more. Interest or liking, is an emotion. Meanwhile, logic was suggesting mathematics since I was more natural at it. But, I went for emotion because it ‘felt’ right. So, just because I ‘felt’ ( emotion again ) an inclination for some part of biology, I chose it over mathematics. Later on, when I gave the competitive exam called NEET for selection in a medical college I failed. I gave it three times. First time I failed because of lesser knowledge. The next two times although I improved I ‘felt’ it hard to push myself above a limit. Those two times I failed by a very close margin, so close that it seemed just a chance event. I could not push myself through that margin because I had lost the interest. It had turned out that the reasons for which I found biology interesting were not at all required to win the competition. Competition was more about memorising and practicing rather than learning and exploring. You require skills in 3 subjects to clear NEET- biology, physics and chemistry. And guess what was I bad at – biology, its memorization part. I was good at other two because I was good in calculations. The emotional decision that I felt right turned out wrong. Wrong because it took me away from my goal of being accepted in society and be dependable. So, is logic a better way to deal with problems ?
Another story. After failing thrice in the same exam I searched my other options to become dependable. This time logically. Having given so much time reading science and biology, I could not go back and undo my decision. That left me with two options. First, one more attempt to that exam. Second, to quit it and go for something else. It was too unpredictable how would I perform if I gave the exam for another time, so I decided to change my path and go for something else. I set upon calculating possibilities and arranged them in preferential order. Most likely option was batchelors in science. The course was offered by a university which had two colleges I could go to. One was in a nearby city and the other in my own town. While the city college had the best fascilities, joining it meant a good expenditure in money. Plus I will have to live in a hostel with sick food and wrecked facilities. Having spent already a lot of money in preparation I had been more dependent rather than dependable. So, I decided to join the town college and though it was not better than the city college, it had benefits of being close to my home. It was cheap and lenient in rules. I could focus on my extra curricular activities and study the way I want. I had an ego problem so studying in that college will fix that too. Then I had to prioritize these two. Low cost suitable environment Vs High cost hostile. Self study, lenience in college attendence Vs strict rules and little more good teachers. But I was most concerned about money. I wanted to be dependable and to ask for money was totally its opposite. it wasn’t that my family could not afford but it was my wish. The principle factors were whether I could stand the continuous enquiries of my family about my studies in city or a silent peaceful endeavor at home. There were so many other factors but I could not tell what factors were more influential and were of greater consequences than others. That would have required an experience that I did not have. Consequently it was my gut feeling that decided me to choose my town. yeah, the ‘like feeling’ again. it felt right to stay at home and peacefully do what I want. I could manage my time more efficiently. Well, that’s what I had thought.
The two decision reulted in consequences I had not dreamt of. The two decisions – first to quit the MBBS goal and second of studying at home. The consequences are as follows. The most prominent were, I lost respect. Once, I was a brilliant student for my family, but then was dropped to a loser. Now I am not given much importance in my family. My opinion doesn’t matter and no one ask me for any advice. They believe I would quit every job in middle, if given. I broke their belief that I was smart. The daily taunts are just additional benefits. I am still being encouraged to be spectacular. I am regularly compared with my friends, family members and even movie characters. I can give all details about it and make this blog as long as Mahabharata, ( okay maybe not ) but get this, my decision is rejected and scorned by almost everyone I know. Coming to the college I am in, that isn’t any better. The first time I tried to disclose details about my college to my friend, my mouth went dry and all the words just sank back into my gullet ( or windpipe, I don’t know ). I am okay with all this now but there is one thing that bothers me. I believe I have a good knowledge/wisdom that I want to share but no one would listen to it unless I have a tag attached to myself. People do not listen to anyone random, they search for tags. A tag someohow provide authentication to the content the subject is serving. Like, I come to wonder who would watch a TED speaker if he/she share the idea on an average stage, like in my college. Will people really care to listen a poem of William Wordsworth if I presented it as mine ? Not many people would do it. Concluding, I needed a tag, acceptance in other words. This time my decision was not wrong, because it grants me what it was meant to give – an average life. But, I do not get acceptance through it. My way is rejected by my family.
This logical decision, like any other, had limitations. It did not solve all problems because I could not take every factor into account. In general, all information is never available and hence you assume things on your own. That’s where your luck and experience work. For those who lack experience like me decide upon emotions. The like feeling. After that, if the things do not happen like we had assumed or ‘felt’ would happen, we complain. Like I am doing in this blog. And when anyone ask us why did we decide to choose such option, the most plausible explanation seems ” I don’t know, it just felt right” and realise how foolish we had been. My advice is accept the consequences. Learn from them and increase your experience. And if someone ask for your help, explain him things with enquiring and not making decisions for him.